.

at which moment of your life

you finally realize

that no one actually cares about you

in a personal meaning

outside the existed bonds or circles

?

what’s the point of living

like

should we make others happy

even if we aren’t

or is it the other way around

 

the balance between both is

somehow

impossible?

 

what’s the point of living

if some of us keep wanting to die?

neither of us

dim room

as I gleaning over the reflection

of my face in mirror

eerie

a voice inside uttered

that’s neither of us

I fully acknowledge

it won’t be easy, buddy

so hang on tight

and stay with me

strange

the way we behave differently to strangers

it alters our behaviour just because we know nothing about them

and vice versa

why?

receiving a smile from a random lady in the bus can make your whole day

but a smile from, say your mom, won’t give any difference

sharing stories or struggles seems easier to a guy who coincidentally sits next to you

than telling it to your long-lasting best friend

 

strangers make us act strange

is it on them or is it all in ourselves?

lost

At a low point, I always feel lost.

No guidance.

The path I’ve been struggling to pass, suddenly gone.

Or blocked by some spiky vines.

Or just burnt by wild fire.

 

I feel like I have no where to go.

And I can’t even go back to where I’m from.

I don’t know what to do.

 

Did I choose a wrong turn?

Did I walk past a warning sign?

Did I take the wrong map?

Was I following a different constellation?

 

Or is the path I’ve been tracking not even existed all this time and I’m making up the trail as I move on?

thoughts

Sometimes, at the darkest hour of the night, our mind somehow vastly wanders thru our observable mind field, rising up some ideas that you might no even realize you have that deep inside your own mind.

When the day, or even the week, is quite rough, all I could process is the way to ‘uninstall’ yourself from existence. How to simply gone or disappear. Unlike death, which is capturing people’s attention and empathy, disappear is simply becoming non-existed.

All of sudden, you, the concept of you in society, your personal data in every database, the memory about yourself in other’s mind, just…. gone.

Your family members keep going on with their life, which is now one-person-less, but that doesn’t bother them as much because their memory about your existence is deleted.

Your friends have zero recollection about you, they don’t even know you were existed before.

Government or university suddenly missing one personal data and no one, not even the computer, noticed a single thing.

Your body, you living embodiment, all your belongings that have anything to do with you, gone with the wind, turning into dust, flowing back to the earth and universe.

In addition, you also don’t even remember that you EVER exist.

Where will we go? Our physical matter will simply back to nature because we can’t delete energy or completely remove our whole mass, but what about our conscience? Say, our soul? Where will it go?

Will it go back to where time hasn’t even existed? Will it go back to the soul realm where all souls are waiting to be put into a physical embodiment? Will we just simpy vanish?

 

Nobody knows the answer. Human mind is incapable to think further beyond our existence. We were created in a way that we cannot see and think the unthinkable.

 

Thoughts can be reflective. Looking back to your life and what you’ve done during the time of your living.

Thoughts are there because we think. Thinking process leading human to a greater good; philosophy, discovery, invention, reasoning, logic which all drive humanity to education.

Thoughts are amazing, and the process is addicting. Without boundaries, it could be dangerous. It can push you off-limit, to a direction where there’s no answer.

 

 

I definitely went to a several direction as I typed this down.

But,

imagine the world, the city, the family, without you.

For some of us, that won’t be a big difference. We feel in a way that our existence merely has any effect to our surrounding. Nothing is changed with or without me. Some even say that everything is better without themselves.

 

But no matter you think how worthless you are, you always have impact. Your existence continually affects others, maybe in a way that you will never understand.